By Kelly J. Brown
It is my prayer that your hearts will be open to the thoughts in this article and that you would be willing to apply these ideas in your own lives. There is real treasure and true happiness in obeying God's call. It is my desire that this article will paint for you a very clear picture of your call as a sister. May you find the words on these pages refreshing. May you find them encouraging. May you find that real treasure and enjoy that true happiness.
The Great Call
"Hear my son, and receive my sayings..." I'll bet a young boy's response would be different if Christ appeared and sat in a chair across from him, leaning forward, holding the boy's gaze with the most loving eyes, and saying: "Receive my sayings, and the years of your life will be many. I have taught you in the way of wisdom; I have led you in the right paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hindered, and when you run, you will not stumble. Take firm hold of instruction, do not let go, keep her, for she is your life" (Proverbs 4:10-13).
Sisters, can you not see the passion in His eyes? If only we would realize that although our God is invisible to us as mortals, in essence, that's what He does! He is with us. He is near that little boy. Live, little boy, as if God were walking right beside you, listening, and watching you ... because He is!
Although it may seem I am speaking to boys (it is the sisters whom I wish to address), I want you to have a clear picture in your mind of a young boy's calling. And although this passage in Proverbs could be directed to either girl or boy, I would like us to look at it as a young boy's calling. This teaching is what a boy's life should reflect! A life in which he receives the sayings of the Lord with an open heart; a life in which he accepts the wisdom of God; in which he walks in His right paths.
There is a promise for those who are faithful. Their steps will not be hindered, and even when they're running, they won't stumble! "Take firm hold" are the words of Christ. "Don't let go!" "Keep wisdom, for she is your life!!"
If God is so passionate about this, then don't you think we should make it our passion as well? Sisters, if you have a brother, put his name in the illustration in the first paragraph. Imagine your brother sitting in the living room with Jesus! Can you imagine the conversation and understand the importance of Christ's being there to personally guide your brother?
I'll tell you right now, if I had been right outside the door, listening to their conversation (and I'm sure I would have been), the thought running through my mind would have been: "Wow! If God cares this much about the direction in life my brother takes, I want to be a part of it!" I would have been tempted to run in the room begging, "Lord, I want to help! How can I encourage and inspire him? How can I be a part of the great plan you have for my brother? How can I thank you for the greatness of his calling? Please Lord ... let me be a part of this, too."
Sisters, we are called to be a part of helping our brothers. The calling of a man is a great one. It is a calling of responsibility and leadership; but at the same time, it is a calling of humility and servanthood. It is not an easy calling, but it is a wonderful one. A young boy's childhood is not to be wasted. It should be full of preparation and learning. With all the hard work set before our brothers, being molded into someone God can use, they're going to need some help and encouragement.
J.R. Miller has expressed this idea eloquently in his book Home-Making: Brothers and sisters are each other's natural keepers. If they fulfilled their duties in this regard, the one to the other, life would show fewer wrecks. They should shield each other. They should be an inspiration to each other in the direction of all noble thought and better life. They should be each other's guardian angels in this world of danger and of false and fatal paths.
Before we go any further, I would like to clarify something. I'm sure there may be a few of you thinking to yourself: "What is she saying? It's the parents' job to train up the children, not the daughters'!" You are right, but I still feel that next to the parents, there is no one better to help and encourage a young man than his own sister. As our brothers become young men, they need more than ever the sympathy and prayers from the ones who love them most. There is a value that our world will never know in the loving support that we can give them. The question is, are we willing to give it?
Be a Living Example of Trueness and Goodness
Although the words that we speak, and the advice that we give are of great importance, even more so is our example. We must always remember that our brothers are watching us. What kind of an influence do we have on them? Is it one of godliness, unselfishness, obedience to God, compassion, and holiness? Or is it self-seeking, disobedient, and harsh? More often than not, the effect sisters have on their brothers is for the worse and not for the best. I think the saying "Actions speak louder than words" holds very true here.
Some important questions that every sister should ask are: "Am I striving after a sweet spirit? Am I reaching for all that is pure and holy? What kind of a picture of womanhood am I offering my brother?" There should be no confusion in the mind of a boy concerning what his sister's character should be.
Encourage a Love for Purity and Grace
Give him such a love for the purity and grace that he sees in you that he has no desire for the "qualities" that our world offers. Keep in mind that the qualities he finds in you will be qualities he looks for someday in choosing a wife! If that fact doesn't make you rethink the kind of life you may be living, my dear sisters, your heart needs to be made right. Maybe there needs to be a time of repentance and confession before the Lord. This is important! It is serious!
The way our lives are lived affects more than just us. The choices we make will forever affect the people in our lives. We shouldn't allow ourselves to be selfish. We can't afford to be.
Gentlemanly Qualities
I have found that one of the great ways to encourage my brother is by pointing out to him ways that he can be a gentleman! The word "gentle" according to Mr. Webster means: "To be gentle, never to be rough, harsh, or severe." This is a good definition, but there is still more to being a true gentleman than this. A true gentleman always tells the truth, and most importantly, he always puts the needs of others above his own. Of course, it's not easy for a boy to put these into daily practice, but if he needs a good example by which to follow, I cannot think of a more perfect model than Christ. He truly was "The first of gentlemen." He was one of true self-control and gentle strength. I would encourage every young boy to look to Jesus as his example and he will find that, as he spends his life seeking to be like Christ, he will also become a gentleman, and that is precisely what he has been called to do.
Sisters, be a part of pointing him in that direction! Find ways you can help him! When it is appropriate, pull him aside and kindly whisper in his ear: "It's your job to open the door for these girls." Or say something that lets him know you care about the kind of man he becomes. After reading a book about someone, or even after seeing someone in person of godly character, point out to your brother specific characteristics that you find in this person.
I've often said things like the following to my brother David: "Someday you can be a godly protector for your wife and children. If you practice now by being a protector to your sisters, you will be better able to do it when you are older!" You would not believe the support they feel from encouraging words like these. It means more than they know how to express in words that you take seriously their call as a man! It may not always be easy to find the time to do things like this, but be willing to go out of your way to find ways to encourage them. Find the time. You'll be glad you did.
There may be times when we won't feel like taking part in helping our brothers. There may be anger on our part, frustration, or even lack of love. In times like these we must remind ourselves that our brothers have been given to us as gifts. Here is an example: You spend hours preparing a present that you have specially made for a dear, dear friend. You're so excited and you're sure she's going to love it. You've even wrapped it in her favorite color! When the time comes to give her your gift, you can hardly wait. "I love you," you say, as you hand it to her. "Take care of it, enjoy it, and cherish it, because it's from my heart." Shockingly, you see her hands are careless! She begins ripping the paper to pieces, not taking notice of the beauty of the gift. Her movements so far have been quick and careless; the lid to the box is unsealed, and your friend leans forward to see what’s inside ... her eyes turn away and she sighs. A look of disappointment comes across her face. She turns and walks away.
You might say, "This example is a little extreme." You might say, "I would never respond to a gift that was given to me like that." But ultimately, this is what we sometimes do to our Father in response to the gift that has been given to us. There should be a special love in our hearts for the gift of our brothers and we should treat them like gifts. We should enjoy and cherish them. Not "feeling" like loving should never be an excuse for mistreating one of the greatest gifts God could give us.
Walking the Fine Line
Friends, I understand the fine line that we as sisters must walk. By this I mean the fact that we have limited authority! It's difficult when we are the older of the genders. More of the authority is given to us, because we are older. This is not easy, but I would encourage you to give up some of your rights and allow your brother to take leadership as often as you can. For example: Your parents have gone out to eat and you and your siblings are left at home. As the oldest (or one of the older), you are responsible for the other children. What are some ways that you can allow your brother to take charge? How can you let him know that he is "the man of the house" for awhile? What rights do you have that you could give over to him? Let him know that by doing so you have faith that he will lead and that he will lead the right way. I know full well that it's not easy to put yourself under your brother, but there are times when it needs to be done in order to prepare him for his job as a man. Someday he will be the head. It will be different because you will have a family of your own, and he, his; but the responsibility he has for you as a brother will still be there. So walk the line sisters and give up what authority you can ... the Lord will be your guide.
Feed on the Word
If someone were to ask me what I thought to be the number one book of the Bible a boy should read and live his life by, I believe I would say the book of Proverbs every time. Proverbs is full of guidelines for the kind of life we are called to live. As an example of what I mean, read on!
Proverbs 13
"A wise son heeds his father's instruction, But a scoffer does not listen to rebuke." This is a call to submission under parents' authority.
"He who guards his mouth preserves his life, But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction." In other words: "Watch your tongue!"
"The soul of a lazy man desires, and has nothing; But the soul of the diligent shall be made rich." Don't be lazy! God will bless your diligence!
"A righteous man hates lying, But a wicked man is loathsome and comes to shame" (Proverbs 3:1-5). Don't speak words that aren't true. Shame comes upon those that do.
This is just a small picture of what the entire book of Proverbs has to offer. I would highly recommend that you read this book with the idea of your brother's life in mind. Maybe it would help you to take notes as you read it. Ask the Lord to give you wisdom for how you can be a part of enforcing these ideas in your brother's everyday life. I believe that the most beautiful thing Proverbs offers is its picture of true wisdom. We can pray that our brothers would have this wisdom beyond their years:
My son, if you receive my words, And treasure my commands within you, So that you incline your ear to wisdom, And apply your heart to understanding; Yes, if you cry out for discernment, And lift up your voice for understanding, If you seek her as silver, And search for her as for hidden treasures; Then you will understand the fear of the Lord, And find the knowledge of God. (Proverbs 2:1-5)
The Example of Miriam
There are several places in which the "sister, brother" ideas are spoken of in more detail. Take for example Moses and Miriam in Exodus chapter 2. It is obvious Miriam had a special love for her brother. She followed him down the river to make sure he would be okay. In Exodus 2:2 we read: "And his sister stood afar off, to know what would be done to him." Later, in verse 4, she offers to Pharaoh's daughter to go and get someone to take care of him for her. "Shall I go call a nurse for you from the Hebrew women, that she may nurse the child for you?" Maybe we wouldn't go so far as to say that Miriam saved Moses' life, but her desire was for his life. This is a principle that should be modeled by all of us; but how willing are we to be at risk for our brothers? Miriam had no guarantee that she would not get into trouble by approaching Pharaoh's daughter the way she did. But her desire for his safety was stronger than any fear she might have had. As I read this passage, sometimes I wonder if she was even afraid at all. She probably wasn't. She was so consumed with his safety, well-being, and his life, that she didn't take any time to think about her own.
Brothers and Sisters in the Church
Also, there is much "sister/brother" language found in the New Testament. Although the New Testament teachings are directed to sisters and brothers "in Christ," they also apply to our physical brothers and sisters. How can we live out what we are told in the New Testament if we are not first doing so in our own homes? This should shake us up, my friends. How convicting! I can have a heart for the Church. I can serve. I can make myself available. I can:
Look at a brother as a fellow worker, fellow soldier, as one who has ministered to my need (Philippians 2:25).
Never take advantage of and defraud a brother (1Thessalonians 3:6). Take great joy and consolation in the love of a brother, because he has refreshed me (Philemon 1:7).
Never speak evil of a brother, or judge him. Who am I to judge (James 4:11)?
Love a brother, and abide in light! If I love him, there is no need for stumbling in him (John 1:10).
But, if I am not applying all these things in my home with my family members, if I'm not looking at my brother as a fellow worker and soldier, if I'm taking advantage of him, if I'm not loving him -- then I am not abiding in light!
We cannot expect to do good to our church members if we cannot even do good to our brothers and sisters. And even more importantly, we should not expect to be blessed if we are disobeying God. We have abandoned that which is our first and most important calling. And until we have a change of heart, we are not going to see much fruit.
This Benefits You!
One of the wonderful things about all of this is that not only are we encouraging, preparing, building up, and inspiring our brothers, but our own walk with the Lord will be matured as well. Use this time to learn how to someday raise your own boys! Understand that someday there will be a need for you to do many of the same things for your husband, also!
If you can learn now how to gently encourage and how to point in the right direction by your example, you will find it much easier someday when you have a family of your own. If you were to take one thing away from all that I have said, I would hope it to be this: We must understand that our time at home, as sisters, and as daughters, is our training ground for becoming mothers and helpmeets for our husbands. It is so important that we not waste this season in our lives, because this season will affect us forever.
Your Greatest Ministry: Your Home
Life, my dear sisters, is short. There will come a day when the only thing left of us will be the memories of our lives and of who we were. Let them not speak of who we were not. I know for myself, I want to have as few regrets as possible. I only have this once to live. More than anything I want to live for the glory of God. This is why I take so seriously my role as a sister. I believe there to be no greater ministry than the ministry we have in our homes. How can there be? There is no other ministry as influential as the family! We affect so many people! Generation after generation will be affected by how we lived, whether we realize it or not. Will we allow ourselves to be wonderful examples or horrible warnings?
Every Family member has been given a responsibility. Every member must strive to do his or her part. And every family must work together in order for their ministry, and calling, to be accomplished. We must encourage each other in our God given roles...we must! We cannot do it without each other's support. That is why we've been given to each other in families.
Our brothers need to know that we understand their calling is a very important one. They need us to be willing to stand beside them before the Lord saying: "Lord, raise up a godly generation of men who fear you. God, raise up my brother, to fear you. He is ready and willing to be used by you. Use him, Father."
When we can honestly say this, before the Lord, and mean it with everything that is in us, then we are well on our way to fulfilling the greatest ministry that we could ever be called to -- the ministry to our homes.
Don't let anyone ever discourage you by belittling this call. In this day and age, and in our society, we have settled for family members simply being tolerant of one another, putting up with each other, making the best of one another, and yes, sometimes even loving each other. Is this all that we are capable of? Is this all we are striving for?
There is much more involved in building a family than simply "making the best of it." There is more joy involved! What happened to the thankfulness in the sovereignty of God putting every family member together without flaw? What happened to the utter amazement at God knowing, even before the foundation of the world, who would be the mother to him, the brother to her, the father to her, and the sister to him? Does that not fill you with confidence that the Lord knows what He is doing? And yet, we have become satisfied with so little. We have "lowered the bar" so much that we don't even realize there is something higher to which we have been called.
The time is now. Let us not waver any longer. May God give us a biblical perspective of how we, as sisters, are to live our lives to the glory of our Lord and Savior as we accept this responsibility and take on this job.
"And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord who has enabled me, because He counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry, although I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man; but I obtained mercy because I did it ignorantly in unbelief. And the grace of our Lord was exceedingly abundant, with faith and love which are in Christ Jesus. This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief. However, for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all longsuffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, to God who alone is wise, be honor and glory, forever, and ever. Amen." (1Timothy 1:12- 17)
Kelly (Brown) Ziegler is a momma of eight. Living on grace.
This article was originally published before the author was married, and republished here with her permission.
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